That is my word for the month…believe. I believe in many things. I do not believe others, for instance, I believe that people are good, some just do bad things. I believe in miracles – working in healthcare has shown me that. I believe that all things meant for you will find you. I believe somewhere deep in my soul that everything (I mean EVERYTHING) is going to be ok. Eventually, now I know that one may be a tough one to relate to for some, but I have this odd sense that the things we are faced with and go through are not for nothing. I believe that something is going to all make sense and be ok in the end. I have to… especially now with a child that I miss so very much. I believe we will be reunited (and THAT will be more than ok.) I truly do. It is part of what keeps me going. And so, I believe…

And of course this time of year… we think of believing in Santa, or the magic of Santa, or St Nick. Even though this time of year is terribly difficult and many people are saddened more so than other times, there is also a feeling in the air of a specialness that I still feel. It has changed over the years from a childlike wonder to a grownup observance of purely good things happening and a desperate search to find joy and make a difference. The foundation has deepened that feeling even more for me because I am seeing firsthand just how deeply loving and good people are. It is a blessing in the messiness …. I like that … blessings from messy.

I do hope that you can reflect on something or things that you believe in. Maybe we lean into those beliefs whether taught or innate and let them become building blocks for a more meaningful life. What are the things you believe…like without a shadow of a doubt?… I’d love to hear.

I didn’t really talk about my DISbeliefs. Honestly, I have moments almost daily where I scratch my head in disbelief of my life and my journey. It might sound strange but it’s still really hard to believe how my life has changed since 4/7/2016. It is quite UNbelievable, but I believe that there is a place for me to make a difference despite those things and there is a place for my shadows of doubts to be explored and perhaps left to be a part of me.

Having a Merry Christmas is hard for so many, but today I wish you something to believe in with your whole heart and soul. Something that gives you hope and reason and a why. It can be someone that you believe in. It can be yourself. I think that might be my biggest wish for you this year – that you believe in yourself and the power and beauty that lies within you. Believe you are worth it. Believe you can DO it. Believe you can BE it.

I love you all so much!!
~ Candi

In November I do find myself becoming aware of the things I am most grateful for…so I want to send out a great big thank you to all of those who make BTF a success in helping our families heal. For you, we are so thankful. We couldn’t be more grateful for each and every one of you. Also, I want to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. If there is one thing I’ve learned through my grief journey, it’s that even with great sadness it is possible to have great joy… even at this time of year. So to all of our bereaved parents and for anyone who has lost a loved one and feels their absence, it is possible to feel both emotions at once. We know the sadness never really goes away, but let’s not miss the moments of sweetness with those who are still here with us.

As Christmas and the New Year approaches, may we find a way to make someone else’s day a little brighter. We are all carrying burdens… some big, some small…but we all have them. Empathy is something that definitely has grown bigger in my character, which I tribute to having great loss. Even the smallest of gestures can mean a lot to someone who may be struggling with sadness, grief, anxiety, uncertainty, and loneliness.

Much Love,
Candi